next step .....step back

ok so i was always really honest with jordan about my feelings for braden i never kept it from him it didnt seem to bother him or he just never wanted to talk about it . i sent braden packages around holidays or his bday and wrote him every week i knew he was going to soon me so emerged in the work that i probably wouldnt hear from him too much so i was sooo excited when i did and then these girls started popping up saying that they were writing him and that he was their missionary talk about CONFUSING but of course i wasnt about to ask him about it he had his mission to think about and thats really not something he should focus on and it turned out not to be true anyways. I was hanging out with jordan everyday getting closer to him but always still feeling like it wasn't the same as it was with braden ...some of you might know what I'm talking about its like something is missing but i was so torn ...... well two months into our relationship jordan went to one of his mission buddies weddings and came back saying he felt that he was ready to take our relationship to the next level ......i had only been a member for six month and we had only been dating for two months so u can see why i was way caught off guard with this !! i hadnt started thinking in Mormon years yet !!!! so i told him i wasnt ready since i still had feelings for braden and i think it was a little soon i loved him but i just wasnt ready for that at this point i decided to write braden and tell him without distracting him so i did and he wrote me back saying he had a feeling anyways and that i was the only one who could figure it out but of course he would love to see what could happen with us when he got back ..... well a week after jordan and me had that talk we went to my work party for Christmas and we drove out to a spot in the desert where he broke up with me ..... and i will admit i was sad but i wasnt heart broke and that should have been an answer to me but i think i was just sad that i wasnt going to have someone there now and there was a lot of good about jordan and i so i was sad that was coming to an end. Also lets be honest its always a pride thing when we arent the ones to end it they r ..... you think i would have just excepted it and it would have been my answer but it was hard all of our friends were the same we went to church together and i saw him all the time , and of course people talk i remember walking down the hall at church knowing that people were talking about me and him it was pretty lame ....it was hard i told him that i wrote braden and told him everything and he asked if we could talk at fhe ................